


Misfits

by Kittenmommy



Series: Loki and Pepper Potts: Conversations, Drinks, and Other Really Bad Ideas [19]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angrboða is horrible, Angst and Humor, But more angst than humor, Established Relationship, F/M, Families of Choice, Fun with Twitter, In which Tony Stark is surprisingly insighful, Internalized racism, Loki is being all mysterious, Loki's A+ Parenting, Mild Language, Odin's A+ Parenting, racism against jotnar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-25
Updated: 2012-08-25
Packaged: 2017-11-12 21:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/495850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittenmommy/pseuds/Kittenmommy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Where are we going?” Angrboða asks.</p><p>“Car trip, honeybunch,” Tony tells her.  “We’re goin’ to the ’burbs!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Misfits

**Author's Note:**

> _The Avengers_ and _X-Men_ belong to Marvel.
> 
> "[You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)](http://www.4shared.com/mp3/db0zI6qo/09_You_Spin_Me_Round__Like_A_R.html?)" belongs to Dead or Alive.
> 
> And I'm not making any money from this.

“It’s like _déjà vu_ all over again,” Tony murmurs. Beside him, Loki snorts.

Tony and Loki stand together against the back wall. Bruce and Dr. Michaels are leaning over Cheryl’s shoulders, watching the images appear on the monitors.

But this time, they’re not at the hospital. They’re at what will soon be Avengers’ Mansion, and instead of scrubs and white coats, the doctors are in street clothes.

“OK, Angrboða,” Dr. Michaels is saying through the intercom. “That’s going to be all. Thank you very much for your help.”

They watch through the glass as the MRI powers down and the table holding a very tall, very blue Angrboða slides out of the machine.

She shimmers, and suddenly she’s the petite brunette again.

She sits up and gets down off the table. Cheryl stands and goes to the door, opening it for her.

“Will you be requiring any further assistance from me?” Angrboða asks.

Bruce and Tony exchange a look.

“We, uh, we actually have one more appointment,” Bruce tells her.

“Oh?” Her gaze darts over to Loki. “I was not told of this.”

“Yeah, we just set it up a little bit ago,” Tony says. He turns to Loki. “We’ll need Hel, too.”

Loki frowns. “I shall do my best.” He walks out of the room, pulling out his phone as he goes.

“Where are we going?” Angrboða asks.

“Car trip, honeybunch,” Tony tells her. “We’re goin’ to the ’burbs!”

* * *

“Wake up, Stark.”

“Timesit?” he asks muzzily.

“Stark, get off me!”

Tony opens his eyes and sees that they’re traveling up a gravel road. A mansion looms in the distance.

And then he realizes that he’d been sleeping with his head on Loki’s shoulder. 

Angrboða and a very amused Bruce are sitting across from them in the back of the limo. 

Bruce has his phone in his hand. “Just Tweeted the pic,” he says, grinning. 

It takes a moment for his words to sink in.

“You did _what_?” Tony demands, horrified.

Bruce is laughing and even Angrboða is looking slightly amused.

“You won’t be laughing when I get my sweet, sweet revenge,” Tony promises him. “When you _least_ expect it, you fucker!” 

Bruce only laughs harder.

“You drooled all over my shirt, Stark,” Loki complains.

Tony shrugs. “Send me the dry cleaning bill.” 

The car comes to a stop. The front door opens, and feet crunch on gravel.

“We’re here,” Happy Hogan says, opening the back door. Bruce, Loki and Tony exit the car. 

Angrboða looks up at Happy haughtily. “You will assist me, mortal.”

“Of course,” he agrees, offering her his hand.

When she’s out of the car, she walks past Happy without even a glance, let alone a ‘thank you’.

Happy looks at Tony. “ _When_ is she going home again?” he asks in a low voice.

“Soon,” Loki answers for him.

* * *

They are greeted at the door by a lovely black woman with striking long white hair.

“Ms. Munroe,” Tony says.

“Mister Stark,” she replies.

“Ororo,” Bruce says warmly. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

She smiles at him. “Far too long.”

“How are you, dear?”

“I am well. And these are our guests?”

“Yeah. Loki, Angrboða, this is Ororo Munroe… also known as Storm.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” Ororo tells them, offering her hand. 

Loki shakes her hand and murmurs greetings, while Angrboða simply ignores her like she doesn’t even exist.

“Don’t take it personally,” Tony tells Ororo in an undertone as she leads them through the mansion. “She’s not too fond of mortals… or of _anyone_ , really. At least not as far as I can tell.”

“Yes… Bruce told me you’ve had an interesting past few days.”

Tony snorts. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”

Ororo leads them up a hallway to a door that stands half-open. She pushes it open the rest of the way and leads them inside.

“Professor, your guests have arrived,” she says.

And there he is, sitting behind his ornate desk. Professor Charles Xavier, scientist, genius, leader of the X-Men and a tireless worker for justice and mutant rights… a living legend.

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t stand, I hope?” he says as Ororo makes the introductions. He motions for them to be seated.

Ororo murmurs a goodbye and slips from the room almost silently.

“What happened to you?” Angrboða asks Xavier bluntly.

“Angrboða!” Loki exclaims, glaring murderously.

Xavier smiles. “It’s quite all right. I was shot in the spine, leaving me paralyzed from the waist down.”

Angrboða frowns. “You cannot be healed?”

“No.”

“That will be _quite_ enough, Angrboða!” Loki tells her firmly.

“I believe we are missing someone,” Xavier comments.

“Yes,” Loki agrees. “I have hope she will come.”

“You should’ve told her Tony’s here,” Bruce says knowingly.

“I _did_.”

Xavier’s eyebrows go up in a silent question.

“For reasons which are utterly beyond me, my daughter is… ah… _fond_ of Stark.”

“Oh.” The professor looks amused by this information. “Mister Stark is quite popular with the ladies, from what I understand.”

“OK,” Tony interrupts. “Seriously, could we not – ”

“I am here,” a new voice announces, and they turn in their seats to see Hel standing behind them. She’s in one of her elaborately embroidered gowns done in emerald and gold. It covers her from chin to floor.

“Hel,” Xavier says warmly. “I’m Charles Xavier.” He extends his hand. 

After a moment’s hesitation, she comes forward to shake it.

“I am pleased to meet you,” she murmurs.

“Likewise.”

She moves to sit in the vacant seat between Tony and her father. She glances over at Bruce and grins.

“I have seen the picture you Tweeted,” she tells him. “And I have placed it on my Facebook.”

Beside her, Tony groans. “Whose great idea was it to give her a phone?”

“ _Yours_ , I believe,” Loki reminds him.

“Fuck me,” he says, and sighs. “Let’s just get down to business, OK?”

Hel smiles at him. 

“Very well. You have… information for me?” she asks.

“Maybe,” Bruce says cautiously. “It’s just a hunch.”

Xavier is looking through some papers on his desk. “Apparently, your grandmother may have been a mutant,” he tells her.

Hel frowns. “A what?”

Xavier smiles patiently. “Someone whose genetic code is… different from the norm. This often grants the person extraordinary abilities… and possibly burdens them with dangerous or troublesome powers as well.”

He makes a gesture that takes in their surroundings.

“This place is a school for people with mutations,” he continues. “A place where extraordinary young people can live and learn in an atmosphere of support and acceptance rather than distrust and intolerance.”

“Oh,” she says softly. She bites her lip. “Are you a mutant too?”

Xavier smiles benevolently, and she suddenly hears his voice in her mind as clearly as if he’d spoken out loud: _Of course._

She looks astonished. “How did you do that?”

“Do what?” Tony asks, frowning.

“He spoke to me _inside my head!_ ”

“That is one of my abilities,” Xavier tells her.

“And my grandmother could do that as well?”

“I don’t know. Possibly. Everyone is different, and every mutant is different. There is no way of knowing what her capabilities might have been.”

“She was rumored to have shifter blood,” Angrboða says.

“Yes, so I was told,” Xavier agrees. “Do you know if she could actually change forms?”

“No,” she admits. “But His Majesty can.”

Xavier frowns. “Who?”

“Loki,” Tony says. “He’s the king of the Frost Monsters.”

Loki rolls his eyes. “Frost _Giants_ , Stark,” he corrects for the billionth time.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“I see,” Xavier says, and then, to Loki: “How old were you when you discovered your abilities?”

Loki frowns, thinking. “I… truly, I cannot remember. It seems as though I have always been capable of certain things.”

“Hmm, that’s interesting. Usually mutant abilities begin manifesting at puberty.”

“Why?” Bruce asks curiously. “Hormonal changes?”

“Partly,” Xavier agrees. “There are a number of factors, and we don’t really understand all of them.”

“Hel was on the cusp of maturity when the All-Father banished her,” Loki says in a musing tone.

“And that’s when she began to… ah, have this problem, right?” Tony asks.

“Yes. I had thought that her affliction was the result of her banishment, but now…”

“Now you are not as certain,” Xavier finishes.

“No, I am not.”

“And you are a Frost Giant?” Xavier asks.

“Yes. As is Angrboða.”

“Forgive me, but you look… _human_.”

“It’s all there in the notes I sent you,” Bruce tells Xavier.

The professor consults his papers, frowning.

“Ah, yes. So that is not your true appearance.”

“No, it is not.” Xavier waits expectantly, and Loki sighs. “Oh, very well.”

His skin bleeds from pale to deep blue, and his eyes blaze red.

“Goodness,” Xavier murmurs, leaning back in his chair.

“Yes, I am revolting,” Loki says bitterly. “I am already aware.”

“No, no,” Xavier says immediately. “That’s not…” He takes a breath, collecting his thoughts. “I know of another shapeshifter… and her natural form is also blue.”

“Do you think there’s a connection?” Tony asks.

“ _All_ Frost Giants are blue,” Loki reminds them, and looks at Angrboða.

They watch as her skin deepens into blue, and she grows taller and broader in her chair.

“Are all Frost Giants shapeshifters?”

“No,” Angrboða says. “Only the king.”

“I see,” Xavier murmurs, deep in thought.

After a moment, Loki and Angrboða shift back to their Æsir forms.

Xavier directs his next question to Hel: “And you cannot do that?”

She bites her lip. “No. My father…” She sighs. “I cannot.”

“It’s an enchantment?”

“Yes,” Loki replies.

“And can you lift it?”

Loki frowns. “I _could_ … but I would prefer not to as I doubt I could fully reestablish it. Why?”

“I am wondering if it is creating her problem… or adding to it.”

Loki’s frown deepens. “As I told Bruce and Stark, I do not see how that could be the case.”

“And you are adamant about not removing it?” Xavier presses.

Loki sighs. “As I said, I would prefer to avoid doing so… but if that is the only way to cure her then yes, obviously I will do it.”

“Without the enchantment, she would appear as you and Angrboða did?”

“Yes, though she could learn to cast a glamour upon herself as Angrboða and I have done.”

“Would that truly be such a terrible thing?” Xavier asks softly. “For her to appear as she actually _is_?”

Loki looks absolutely horrified. 

“You do not understand, Professor. The Jötunar… they are _monsters_. Primitive, savage… they have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.”

“You speak of these people as though you are not one of them,” Xavier notes softly.

“I am _not_ ,” he says heatedly. “Nor is Hel. _We_ were raised by _civilized_ people!”

Xavier is frowning, clearly troubled by all of this.

“Sir?” Hel asks timidly.

“Professor,” Loki murmurs.

“Professor,” Hel corrects herself. She leans forward in her seat. “If I _am_ a mutant, is there a cure?”

He gives her a sad smile. “No, not as such. We had thought that Doctor Worthington had perfected one, but the results are unpredictable and likely not permanent.”

Bruce leans forward in his chair. “Do you have the formula, Professor?” he asks, sounding excited.

“I believe so,” he replies. He opens a laptop and pulls up some files. “Yes. Yes, here it is.”

“E mail it to us?” Tony asks. 

Xavier considers for a moment.

“You have my word that I won’t try to weaponize it… and I certainly won’t hand it over to SHIELD,” Tony tells him. “We just want to see if we can cure this girl. She’s really been through a lot, you know?”

Xavier thinks for a few more moments. It takes every ounce of discipline that Tony has not to fidget nervously in his chair.

“All right,” he finally says softly. He fixes Tony and Bruce with a stern stare. “I am going to trust you. I hope I am not making a very big mistake.”

“We won’t let you down, sir,” Bruce promises. 

“See that you don’t,” Xavier says, and sends the e mail.

* * *

Ororo escorts them out of the mansion, to where Happy is waiting in the parked limo.

“It was nice to meet all of you,” she says, and turns to Bruce. “And nice to see you again.”

He gives her a smile. “Same here.” He watches her walk back to the house, and sighs.

“Have you any further need of Angrboða?” Loki asks. “If not, I shall return her to Jötunheim.”

Tony and Bruce exchange a look. 

“I think we’re done with her for, at least for now,” Bruce says. “Tony?”

“Yeah, take her home, Loki. _Please!_ ”

Angrboða scowls at him.

“Wait, here,” Tony says, just remembering. He pulls a phone out of his pocket and hands it to Loki. “In case we need to contact her again,” he explains. “Fix it for her?”

“Certainly,” Loki agrees.

“Well, ah, have a safe trip,” Bruce tells them.

Hel steps forward and hugs Loki. “Be careful,” she tells him.

He touches her cheek gently. “I shall.”

“Mother,” Hel says stiffly, inclining her head at Angrboða. “Be well.”

Angrboða makes no reply.

“How long are you gonna be?” Tony asks.

Loki shrugs. “Not long. I am merely going to leave her in Jötunheim; I am not staying for a visit.”

“Not gonna walk her to her door like a gentleman?”

Loki snorts. “I had not planned on it, no.”

“Great. We’ll swing by and pick up Pepper on our way to the Tower. Meet us there when you’re done?”

“Yes, Stark.” He grasps Angrboða’s upper arm and then they’re both just gone.

“Thank God _that’s_ over, right?” Tony asks.

“Was she difficult?” Hel asks.

“You have _no_ idea,” Tony tells her.

Bruce laughs. “She wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“No, she was _worse_! Come on, let’s get out of here. Hey, Happy? Ready to put the pedal to the metal?”

“Yes, Mister Stark.”

“Just don’t fall asleep on my shoulder on the ride home!” Bruce says, earning a glare.

“Don’t forget, Banner: When you _least_ expect it!”

Bruce is laughing as they get in the car.

* * *

No one even notices when Loki appears in the Avengers’ living room.

Natasha and Steve are on the sofa together, playing a video game.

Pepper, Tony, and Bruce are standing near the wet bar, drinks in hand and deep in conversation.

And Clint is dancing with a laughing Hel, singing along with the loud music that’s playing: “All I know is that to me you look like you’re lots of fun, so open up your loving arms, watch out here I come!” 

He picks her up and swings her around in circles, and she’s shrieking with laughter as he sings: “You spin me right ’round baby, right ’round like a record baby, right ’round, ’round, ’round!”

“Loki!” Tony exclaims. 

“Hi, Loki!” Steve calls over his shoulder.

“Ha! Got you!” Natasha crows triumphantly. “You were distracted!”

“Hey, come on over here!” Tony calls.

He goes to join them, and Pepper greets him with a hug and kiss. 

“How was Jötunheim?” she asks.

“Horrible.”

“So, the usual, huh?” Tony says.

“Precisely.”

Without asking, Tony hands him a glass of scotch.

“I’ve been looking over that formula the professor sent us,” Bruce says, sipping his grape soda. “I have a few ideas… don’t know how promising they are yet, though.”

“I’ve some ideas of my own,” Loki says quietly.

“You’re going to lift Hel’s enchantment?” Tony asks.

“What? No. I was thinking of something else… it’s not important at the moment.”

“Oh. OK.” Tony finishes his scotch and pours another. “You know, about that enchantment…”

“What about it?”

“Look, I know you think it’s for the best, but have you thought about… ah, the implications of it?”

Loki frowns. “Speak plainly, Stark.”

Tony sighs. “All that stuff you say about the Jotuns… don’t you think that gets to her?”

“She can’t help but internalize at least some of that,” Bruce adds. “If not all of it.”

“Look, you hate Frost Giants, I get that,” Tony says. “And you hate _yourself_ for being one, probably more than you hate all the rest of them put together. But do you really hate _all_ of them? Because – ” He gestures at Hel who is still laughing and dancing with Clint. “ – like it or not, your daughter’s one too.”

Loki looks stricken. “You fear that I have taught her to hate herself… and that even worse, she believes herself unworthy of my love?”

“Well… yeah. Maybe a little.” 

Loki downs his scotch in a gulp and holds out his empty glass. Tony obligingly pours him another.

“I… I don’t know what to say to that, Stark. I had never even considered…”

“It’s almost exactly what Odin did to you,” Pepper murmurs. She shrugs. “You were parenting by example.”

“Yeah. Why do you think _I_ don’t have any kids?” Tony puts in.

“But I never hid her origins from her, as Odin did me.”

Tony shrugs. “You could argue that that makes it even _worse_ : she grew up knowing that she was one of those creatures that you hate more than anything.”

Loki knocks back his drink and holds out his empty glass again. Tony’s eyebrows go up but he pours without comment.

Bruce is staring at Tony with something like wonder. “You missed your calling, Tony. You should’ve been a shrink.”

“Or be under the care of one,” Pepper says.

“Yeah, probably that second one,” Tony agrees. “Look, Loki, I’m not saying that’s definitely what’s going on here. But it’s a possibility.”

“I had never even thought…”

Bruce pats his shoulder. “None of us are perfect, Loki.”

“But _I_ should have _known better_!”

“How could you have?” Pepper asks. “Maybe if you’d known the truth about yourself all along, you would have made a different choice. But you didn’t…”

“But Odin _did_ know the truth, and he let you make those mistakes anyway,” Bruce says.

“Odin’s kind of a dick, isn’t he?” Tony asks, and Loki gives him a look. Then he finishes his drink and sighs. 

“Yes, Stark. He rather is at times.”

Tony laughs and refills his glass. “Yeah, well, my dad was no prize either.”

“I know, you told me.” Loki glances at Bruce. “And your parents?”

“I haven’t seen them in years,” he admits. “Ever since… you know. I can’t take the chance that I might…” He doesn’t finish the thought.

“Oh,” Loki says quietly. “I’m sorry, Bruce. I hadn’t thought…”

“It’s OK, really.” Bruce shrugs. “We talk on the phone sometimes, you know?”

“What a motley crew we are,” Tony says, sipping his scotch. He motions at the sofa. “Natasha… who knows where her family is, or if she even has one? She’s never said. Steve’s family is all dead. Clint… he’s as much of a mystery as Natasha. I’ve never heard him mention anyone.”

“Well, we have each other,” Bruce says, smiling.

“We’re like the Island of Misfit Toys… only with superpowers,” Tony muses. “Hey, maybe we should rename ourselves The Misfits instead of The Avengers.”

“I think the band might object,” Bruce tells him.

“Perhaps Stark could purchase them,” Loki suggests.

“Not a bad idea! Hey, JARVIS…”

Pepper just shakes her head and smiles.

* * *

Pepper wakes up in the darkness and realizes she is alone in bed.

“Loki?” she calls. 

With a frown, she gets out of bed and pulls on her robe.

She pads barefoot out into the living room. “Loki?”

She finds him wrapped in an emerald bathrobe, sitting at her desk in a pool of light.

He’s sleeping, his head pillowed on his folded arms and his inky black hair spread out like a halo around him.

There is a stack of books that look absolutely ancient on the desk, and there’s an unrolled parchment spread out and anchored down with what look like gemstones, or perhaps crystals.

Next to his head is a notepad she recognizes as having come from her desk drawer. He’s made notes on it in some language that she can’t read.

“Loki?” she says softly, and lays her hand on his shoulder.

He starts awake and raises his head, blinking sleep from his eyes.

“Pepper?” he frowns. “I… I must have fallen asleep.”

“Yes, you did. What are you doing out here?”

He sighs. “Research.”

“For Hel?”

He shakes his head. “No, for another project I’m working on.”

Her eyebrows go up. “How mysterious!” she teases, and he laughs.

“All will be revealed, Pepper Potts,” he intones gravely, and now she’s the one laughing.

“I hope so.” She reaches for his hand and tugs him to his feet. “But right now, I think it’s time that all good little wizards were in bed.”

“I am not a good wizard, I am an evil sorcerer.”

She snorts. “Yeah, OK.” She puts her arms around his waist and pulls him close, laying her head on his chest.

“I cannot believe that I have made such a grave mistake with Hel,” he finally says.

She sighs. “Look, she seems fine to me. If you’re worried about it, talk to her. Give her what Odin has never given you: an explanation and an apology.”

He nods. “You are right; I owe her that.”

She pulls away and looks up at him. “Now come on, come back to bed.”

He smiles. “All right.”

* * *

Pepper is jolted awake by Ozzy Osborne’s distorted voice: “ _I… am IRON MAN!_ ”

She groans and nudges Loki. He makes an unintelligible sound.

“Phone,” she tells him.

He mumbles something in another language.

“Your phone!” she says more insistently as the distinctive guitar riff of Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man” begins.

Loki groans, one hand fumbling on the nightstand for the source of the annoying sounds. 

Pepper realizes he must have found it when it finally falls silent; she can see the glow of the screen in the darkness.

With only one word, Loki manages to convey the magnitude of his annoyance: “ _Stark._ ” 

There is a long pause.

“I was _sleeping_ , you complete and utter simpleton.” Pause. “Grumpy? _Grumpy?_ Stark, I will come there and – ” Pause. “I cannot understand you; you are speaking too quickly.” Pause. “Speaker?” Pepper can hear the frown in his voice. “What speaker?”

She sighs and sits up, reaching for the light switch in the darkness. 

“Here, Loki,” she says patiently, and he hands her the phone. She touches its screen, and now they can both hear Tony:

“Hey listen you guys I just had the _best_ idea _ever_ and you’re gonna _love_ it it’s brilliant – of _course_ it is, _all_ of my ideas are brilliant even the really stupid ones! – this is the best idea yet and – ”

“Tony,” Pepper interrupts in her very best ‘I-Am-Trying-So-Hard-Not-To-Just-Start-Screaming-Right-Now’ voice. “How much coffee have you had?”

“Three!”

She frowns. “Cups?”

“Pots,” JARVIS’s voice corrects. “Miss Potts.”

“Pots, Miss Potts!” Tony repeats gleefully. 

Loki is sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Tony, do you have _any idea_ what time it is?” Pepper asks, and she feels like she should get some kind of medal for Achievements In Patience.

“No.”

“It is four twenty-three in the morning, sir,” JARVIS says.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Tony tells them.

“Obviously,” Loki murmurs. He’s lying on his back beside her, eyes closed. “Can this not wait ‘til the morrow?”

“No, it’s too important.”

Pepper sighs.

“All right, Tony. Since it’s the _only_ way to get you to shut up and go away, tell us: what’s your brilliant idea?”

She can _hear_ the grin in his voice.

“I want you and Loki to come live in Avengers’ Mansion with us!”

Loki’s eyes open wide at this, and she feels her own mouth falling open in astonishment.

“You want… _what_?”

“It’ll be _great_! Hey, we can even move Hel in there too, if you want. You know…”

Now his voice changes, and he sounds like he’s on the verge of tears.

“Keep the whole family together. We’ll _all_ be together, like we should be! Steve, Thor, Clint, Natasha, Bruce, and us! The whole family! I never really had a family before, you know. Not a _real_ family,” he tells her, his voice breaking on the word “real”.

Pepper and Loki exchange a look.

“JARVIS, how much scotch has Mister Stark had?” Pepper finally asks.

“Approximately five hundred and twenty-seven milliliters, Miss Potts,” JARVIS tells her.

“Tattletale!” Tony accuses.

“Uh huh. That’s what I thought. OK, you know what, Tony? I’m going to hang up now, and we’ll discuss this again in the morning. All right?”

“It _is_ the morning,” Tony points out, and his voice is sounding better now.

“ _Later_ in the morning,” Pepper says patiently. “Get some sleep, OK?”

“But I can’t sleep!”

“ _Three_ pots of coffee, Miss Potts,” JARVIS reminds her in a long-suffering tone.

“You have my sympathy, JARVIS,” Pepper tells the AI.

“Tell me a bedtime story!” Tony says in a wheedling tone. 

Loki begins to speak without opening his eyes: 

“Once, on Midgard, there was a very annoying Man of Iron who dwelt in a mighty Tower In The Sky. He was so annoying that a Great Sorcerer finally tired of his antics and teleported over to his Tower and turned him into a newt. The. _End._ ”

“But I got better!” Tony chortles. 

Pepper sighs in exasperation. “I’m hanging up now, Tony.”

“What’re you wearing?” Tony asks.

“Nothing,” Loki replies.

Tony makes a strangled sound. “I wasn’t asking _you_! Jesus… why would you think I want… _Jesus_.” 

“Good _bye_ , Tony,” Pepper says firmly. 

She ends the call and puts the phone on her nightstand.

“How much did Stark pay you when you worked for him?” Loki asks.

Pepper frowns. “Why?”

“Because whatever it was, it was not _nearly_ enough.”

She laughs as she reaches for the light switch.

FINIS.

**Author's Note:**

> References:
> 
> The Island of Misfit Toys from the Rankin/Bass [_Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer_](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3z1iOvXpeY) Christmas special.
> 
> Black Sabbath: "[Iron Man](http://www.4shared.com/mp3/lqkLxOJR/Iron_Man.html?)".
> 
> Monty Python: ["She turned me into a newt." "A newt?" "I got better!"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fr8DIg3oHFI)


End file.
